Cupcakes and Rollercoasters
by Catherine4
Summary: UPDATED Izzie receives news that could turn her world upside down. Someone from her past is dying and it forces her to confront feelings she tried so hard to forget. Set after S2
1. Chapter 1

_This is the first fic I've written in a loooooooooooooong time, and the first Grey's fic I've attempted. This storie's been told a few times before, but I thought I'd have my own try. I hope you like it, and look forward to hearing what you think._

Chapter 1

"Wow. Izzie Stevens has a day off work and the kitchen isn't filled with muffins. Something's wrong here."

"Coffee. I made coffee." Izzie was sitting at the kitchen table with her knees pulled to her chest and a half empty mug clutched in her hands.

Meredith appeared in the doorway behind George and rubbed her damp hair with a towel. "What, no baked goods?"

Izzie looked up. "What?"

George and Meredith looked at each other. "Iz, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"You never told us why you wanted today off work, you've been acting strange for a couple of days. Is it your mom?"

Meredith walked past George into the kitchen and headed for the coffee pot. When her question got no response from Izzie she turned around.

"My mom's fine."

"You know we're here if you want to tell us.. Whatever it is" George said.

Izzie smiled. "Everything's fine, you're going to be late."

She drained her mug and stood up, walking out of the room. Meredith looked at George. "We don't have to leave for another half hour, what's up with her?"

The sun glinted off the freeway and Izzie had to squint to see the road ahead. It was rarely sunny in Seattle and usually she would welcome the sunshine but not today. For once she was willing it to rain. Or at least be grey. It would better suit Izzie's mood. An ominous cloud hanging overhead would make her feel like she wasn't the only one in the city who wasn't full of the joys of summer.

Izzie was the one who was always in a cheery mood, the one who everyone would moan at to shut up when they were tired and fed up and she was bouncing around like a kid on a sugar high. But today she felt sick. That nervous kind of sick you get in the pit of your stomach when you're anticipating an exam, or a first date. Only Izzie felt much worse.

The road curved to the left and she was now driving straight into the sun. She reached into the glove box and pulled out her shades, cursing the fact that she even needed them. She wanted rain. Should be driving north, she thought, away from the equator, not south.

She'd only been driving for 40 minutes, she had a long way to go yet. The further she had to go and the longer it would take, the more opportunity she'd have to chicken out. While she was dreading reaching Portland, part of her was wishing she could be there right now. This was something that just had to be done, she just had to suck it up and do it. It wasn't only about her.

She glanced at her purse on the passenger seat, and the crumpled white envelope sticking out the top. She'd read it over and over hundreds of times sinse she'd got it, she knew what it said by heart. What the author of the letter was requesting. She'd told herself for a while that there was no way she could drive to Portland and meet this woman. Apart from the fact she was utterly terrified, she had her job. She was a surgical intern, on one of the toughest programs in the country. She couldn't just take a day off could she? But she knew she needed to, so she did. She must have caught Bailey on a good day, Izzie didn't know how she'd convinced her resident to let her go.

For the past two weeks she'd been walking around in a daze. She was only half in the real world. Her other half was immersed in the letter and all that it meant. She was sure everyone had noticed a change, especially Meredith and George. Her mind was never fully on her patients. Bailey had probably realised that whatever she needed the day off for was vital to getting her head back in the game.

Izzie was getting sick of them asking her what was wrong, she wasn't going to tell them. Alex was the only one who'd stopped asking, he was seemingly the only one who could see that whatever it was she was hiding, she wanted to stay hidden. Alex Karev, Mr. Sensitivity? She never thought she'd see the day.

She sighed. They all meant well, her friends were just looking out for her. But this was something she just had to deal with on her own.

"Yang, you're with Burke on Mr. Faulkner's valve replacement, Grey, you're with me and O'Malley, pit…" Bailey paused and turned to Alex. "Karev. I know how much you loved your stint with Dr. Montgomery, so guess what?" She smiled one of her sarcastic smiles and, chart in hand, walked down the corridor.

"Hey." Meredith tapped Alex on the shoulder and he turned around. "Do you know what's up with Izzie? She's been acting strange."

Alex gave her a look of mild confusion and shrugged. "How would I know?"

"Because she tells you things."

Alex picked up his beeper off the reception desk and started walking towards the elevator. "No, she tells George things. Why would she talk to me?" It was Meredith's turn to give him a look, but he couldn't quite read it. "What?"

"Grey!" Bailey shot the interns a look from down the hall and Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, just… Just let me know if she says anything."

Izzie could've used a cigarette. She hadn't smoked sinse she was 15, but right now, she could use one. She stood at a gas station leaning against her car, staring at the traffic flying past. She discarded her empty Styrofoam coffee cup in the trash but made no attempt to climb back into her car.

She was in no hurry to get to her destination. But part of her just wanted to be there that instant, to save all the freaking out that was bound to come in the next hour before she got there. Experience told her that anticipation of something bad happening was always far worse than the actual event itself but right now her gut was ignoring common sense and she'd never felt more nervous in her life.

Her mind flashed once again to the letter that sat in her purse on the passenger seat and she mentally re-read it. It wasn't long, and didn't elaborate more than necessary, it just told her what she needed to hear. She knew the rest of the details she needed to hear in person.

She sighed. She just needed to suck it up and drive. Putting this off wasn't going to make it any easier, it was just going to prolong the agony. The place she needed to be was City General Hospital with the author of the letter, not sat on the hood of her car at a gas station.

She opened the car door and got in. After 15 minutes of watching cars roll by, she finally pulled back onto the freeway.

Izzie tentatively walked up to the nurses station on the Oncology ward and waited patiently for the nurse to hang up the phone, all the while the butterflies in her stomach were growing to an almost unbearable level.

The pretty blonde nurse said goodbye to the person on the other end of the line and smiled at her. "Are you looking for someone?"

Izzie tried to smile back but it felt more like a frown. "Yes, I'm here to see Sally Jenkins…"

"I'm sorry, visiting hours are over. You can come back this evening…"

Izzie interrupted. "It's important."

"Are you family?"

Izzie shook her head. "Not exactly. It's complicated. If you just tell her I'm here I'm sure she'll want to see me." The nurse didn't look convinced. "My name's Isobel Stevens. Please?"

The nurse nodded slowly. "Ok, I'll go and ask her."

The young woman walked onto the ward and left Izzie standing there. Her eyes darted round the room nervously. Why was this place making her feel so uncomfortable? She worked in a hospital every day, and one hospital looks pretty much the same as another. But she wasn't here to work, she was here for personal reasons, and that's what scared her. She liked being a doctor, she was good at it. Confronting personal stuff instead of medical stuff she was neither good at, or liked.

When the nurse returned after what was probably less time than Izzie thought, a wave of panic shot through her and she wanted to leave, but instead of running out the swinging double doors into the hallway, she slowly followed the nurse across the ward.

They stopped outside a curtain. "10 minutes, that's all." And the nurse walked away.

Izzie reached to pull back the curtain, fighting every instinct that was telling her not to. All this was too much. Delving into her past was something she never did, for a lot of reasons. But mostly because it was too painful and she didn't want to relive it. But this she had to do, and not only for herself.

She pulled the blue curtain open and the woman in the bed inside smiled at her. Izzie smiled back and tried to hide the turmoil of emotions inside her.

"Isobel, hi." Sally sat up in bed and wiped her nose with a tissue. "It's good to see you again."

"Izzie, please." She stepped inside and closed the curtain.

"Ah yes, I remember." She tucked her wavy blonde hair behind one ear and motioned for Izzie to sit down. "Thankyou for coming all this way, the letter must have been a bit of a shock."

Izzie nodded, but couldn't think of anything much to say. A million things to say had swam round in her head the entire way here but right now, every one of them escaped her. She put her bag on the floor and fidgeted in her seat, saying the only thing she could think of to break the silence.

"You want to talk about Hannah don't you?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Thankyou to everyone that read and reviewed my last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one just aas much :)_

**Chapter 2**

It hadn't really worked as an ice breaker, the tension between them was still just as uncomfortable. Neither of them said anything for a moment before Izzie suddenly changed the subject. "What's wrong with you?"

Sally looked down. "Brain cancer. I'm dying."

Izzie glanced over at the chart that hung on the end of the bed. She wanted to pick it up and read it, she wanted to hide behind the medicine so she wouldn't have to deal with the emotions. She wanted back into her comfort zone, but this wasn't a doctor/patient relationship like she was used to. This relationship was more complex, and she couldn't just switch to autopilot to get her through.

"Listen" Sally said after a minute. "I'm sorry…" But she didn't quite know what to say next. "I'm sorry for loosing touch."

Izzie looked up and forced a smile. "It's ok. I never expected to hear from you for as long as I did."

"We moved and it just…"

Izzie stopped her. It wasn't important. "How did you find me?"

Sally poured herself a glass of water from the nightstand and took a sip. "I have a friend in Seattle. She was a patient at your hospital, she recognised your name…" she trailed off. Putting her glass down, she found the words to carry on. "I'd being trying to find you."

Izzie's brow furrowed. "For how long?"

"A while." She looked down, and Izzie could see she had something to say that she couldn't quite get out. She watched this woman for a moment. Her red hair fell over her face and she took a deep breath, but still stayed silent. Izzie thought back to the one time she'd met her before. She was young and pregnant and alone and this energetic smiling woman had walked into the adoption office. She hadn't judged her, like so many people had, and she felt in her heart that she could offer her baby all the things she couldn't.

But now she looked different. She looked drained. As if all the energy had been sucked out of her and she felt a twinge of sympathy. She reached out and touched her lightly and reassuringly on the arm.

Sally turned to her. "My husband died in a car accident 2 years ago. Greg, Hannah's dad." She smiled sadly and Izzie looked into her eyes.

"I remember him."

"That's when I wanted to find you, but I didn't know where to look. It was so hard, for both of us, and now this…" Her voice grew quiet and her eyes glistened with tears that were about to fall. She blinked them away and sat up straighter. "Life's short. I just thought… I just needed to see you."

Izzie opened her mouth but it was her turn to be stuck for words. A question had been nagging her ever sinse she got that letter. "Does Hannah know she's adopted."

Sally nodded. "We've always been straight with her."

Izzie let out a sigh of relief. "What does she know about me?"

"Not much. We didn't know much about you. She knows your name. She knows that you had her young and couldn't look after her, she doesn't resent you." Sally could see the apprehension on Izzie's face and smiled to put her at ease. "She has a picture of you, the one we took of you holding her at the hospital right after she was born."

Izzie sat silently and could feel tears coming to her own eyes. She was reliving every moment, every emotion with as much pain as she was in at the time. She'd kept everything suppressed for so long, she'd almost forgotten how much it hurt. When she spoke again, Izzie's voice was shaky. "I have a picture of her too. That school photo you sent me when she was 6."

Sally nodded. "I remember. You don't know how long it took us to get her to sit still."

Izzie let out a small laugh. "Does she still like pigs?"

Both women grinned, and felt relaxed for the first time, and when Sally spoke again, the tension had gone from her voice, and some of the sadness too. "She does. Only there are slightly less stuffed animals around the house."

Izzie paused. "What's she like now? I've missed so much…"

Some of the sadness was back, like Sally suddenly remembered that she wasn't going to be around for much longer. "She's tall and blonde and skinny. Like you!" She smiled but it was slightly forced, as if she was trying to fool Izzie into thinking she was ok. Izzie smiled back, playing along.

"She's a dancer, she's really good. She played the Sugarplum Fairy in her show last month, I have a photo…" Sally reached into her purse and pulled it out, handing it to Izzie.

She took it with a shaking hand, hoping it wasn't that noticeable. She'd stared at the photo she'd had for six years more times than she could remember. But this was different, this was now. To see how much her daughter had changed in the last 6 years scared her, but she wasn't sure why. Hannah was beaming brightly in the photograph, her bright blonde hair tied up in a bun and her silver wings reflected the camera flash. Izzie mirrored her grin. "She's beautiful."

"She's doing really well at school. She's good at English, and art. Although these last few months…" Sally trailed off but Izzie knew what she was going to say.

"How serious is it? Is there anything they can do?"

Sally shook her head sadly. "We're still hoping, but they say it's too large."

They both sat there in silence. Neither of them heard the curtain open. "Time's up I'm afraid" the nurse said apologetically. "You should come back tomorrow."

Izzie nodded and stood up. She was glad someone had broken the tension. She slung her bag over her shoulder and picked up her coat before turning to leave. She paused and turned around. "Sally, why did you contact me now?"

She looked at the younger woman for a beat. "Izzie, I think you know."

Izzie had been sitting in the parking lot for about 10 minutes before it even occurred to her to put the key in the ignition. She blinked a few times to focus and realised she'd been staring at a tree. She was just trying to let all the information sink in, trying to process everything she was told.

"_I think you know…"_

She did know, or at least suspected. Ever sinse she got the letter. "Is there no one else" she had asked and was met by a shake of the head. She didn't go on, but now she wasn't sure why. There must be someone else, someone closer to Hannah, someone she'd seen sinse she was an hour old. But then when she thought about Sally's words, about not wasting any time, then she understood. And she so desperately wanted to get to know her daughter. A fact that she only realised last week.

Sure, she thought about Hannah all the time, and had done from the moment she gave her away, but rarely did she have suck strong feelings about wanting to meet her. She felt guilty saying it now, but she didn't regret her decision. She knew she wouldn't have been able to bring up a child when she was still a child herself. And she wasn't entirely sure she could now, but she knew deep down that that was what Sally was asking.

She sighed, and leant back into the head rest, rubbing her temple with her hand. This was too much to take in, she needed a drink.

"Hey mom" Hannah walked up to Sally's bed on the ward and slung her schoolbag on the floor. "How are you feeling?"

Sally nodded. "I'm fine." She smiled at her daughter, doing her best to be cheerful. It didn't fool.

"What's the matter?"

"I thought you were going home with Abi after school."

Hannah shrugged. "Don't change the subject." She paused and sat down on the chair. "I wanted to see you."

Sally reached out and took her hand. "You have homework to do sweetie."

"I don't care about that." She grew quieter and looked at the floor.

"I'm glad you came." Hannah looked up and managed a small smile. "I'm always glad to see you. But you have a life besides me, school, friends… You can't keep using me as an excuse."

"I'm not." Hannah grew slightly defensive and tried to pull away but Sally didn't let go of her hand.

"I have something to tell you. Someone came to see me today."

A wave of panic rushed through Hannah and she tensed. "Who?" she asked tentatively.

It was Sally's turn to grow quiet. "Er…" She started to speak but couldn't find the words.

Hannah watched her mom struggle to find words, could see the conflict going on in her head. It was worse than seeing her in pain. Pail could be stopped with Morphine, nothing in the world cured heartache.

"Mom, I know who came to see you."

Hannah smiled when Sally looked up. "You do?"

She nodded. "My birth mother right? I heard you on the phone. I know you think I was in my room studying but I came down to get some ice cream." She paused, trying to gauge her mothers' response.

"Are you ok with all this?"

Hannah thought for a moment but nodded. "I guess."

"I didn't mean to lie to you honey…" Sally trailed off.

"That was months ago, why didn't you say anything? We don't have any secrets." Hannah's voice was laced with sadness and Sally's heart broke.

"You've been through so much, I didn't want to cause you anymore pain. I wanted to wait until Isobel replied before I told you, incase she didn't want to know."

"And does she?"

Sally smiled. "She came to see me today. She wants to meet you." There was a pause. "Do you want to meet her?"

Hannah's eyes welled up with tears. "You want me to don't you? She's not my mom, you're my mom…"

She leant forward and buried her head in the bed covers. Sally rubbed her back as she sobbed. "Of course I am, but I'm not going to be around much longer."

"Don't say that…"

"I'm sorry, but we can't pretend anymore. I want to make sure you're cared for when I'm gone."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Izzie had been quiet all night. She'd drank beer, and watched movies, and made small talk, but she couldn't be the relaxed Izzie that her roommates always saw when they were just sat on the couch, hanging out.

Her emotions were playing tricks on her. She couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that Hannah simply wouldn't want to know. And why would she? Sally's words were going over and over in her mind, what she'd said about there being no resentment, about her understanding, but they did nothing to calm her. She felt like an intruder, like she had no business getting involved in this family's lives, they didn't know her and she didn't know them.

She lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, too exhausted to get undressed, or even climb under the covers. She wasn't crying. She wasn't anything. She just lay there quietly in contemplation. She'd zoned out completely, and didn't notice when there was a light knock on her half-closed door.

"Iz?" Izzie said nothing. George simply walked through the door and sat down on her bed. "Whatever it is… You don't want to tell me do you?"

Izzie turned her head and looked at him with guilty regret. "I'm sorry, I just… can't."

"It's ok, but you can. If you need to."

Again, Izzie was silent. George kicked his shoes off and lay down on top of the sheets. She wrapped both her arms around his and nestled her head into his shoulder. "Thanyou. I might, you know, when I'm ready."

"No rush."

Izzie went back to starting into nothing, only this time with some company. George watched her for a moment before closing his eyes and relaxing against the pillow.

"Hey, good day off?" Alex ran to catch up to Izzie and they both walked through the front entrance of the hospital together.

"Erm, it was alright." Izzie's voice was a little unsure but she wasn't lying. She felt a lot better now than she had the past week. She woke up revitalised, as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she could stop worrying. Sure, she was far from relaxed. She was terrified actually. But the whole situation with Sally and Hannah was not at the forefront of her mind, she was eager to get back into work. She'd made a move, she'd gone to visit, now there was nothing she could do to determine the next step.

"What did you get up to?"

Izzie paused. "I'd rather not say."

Alex shrugged. "Fair enough. Hey, I wonder what Bailey's got in store for us today."

He sprinted ahead towards the elevator and hit the button to call it. Izzie stood still for a moment, watching him. She was pleased that he didn't push it. George and Meredith had pushed her for details. They meant well, of course, but she wasn't ready to share. The fact that Alex had made no attempt to pry impressed her.

The elevator pinged and she jogged to reach it in time and stepped inside.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Alex blinked and stared at the boy sitting in front of him. "Excuse me?"

"He said do you have a girlfriend." The girl sitting next to him on the bed looked at him like he was stupid. "I'm his girlfriend" she said, looking across at her friend.

"You are not! Girlfriends are for grown ups. We're just friends, best friends." He looked at Alex and started talking again, completely changing the subject but hardly pausing for breath. "Have you fallen out of a tree before? That's how I cut my arm you know. Ella threw the ball and it got stuck in a branch. I have to balance on a branch and really stretch and I almost reached it…" He raised his free arm above his head, re creating the moment.

"Ricky, please sit still."

Alex rolled his eyes. He'd been a little bit late for rounds. About a minute, hardly late enough to warrant being stuck in the ER all day. But Bailey seemed to have got out of bed in a bad mood.

"I bet Ben's stolen it by now." Ella folded her arms and did her best annoyed face.

"I'll get it back, just wait…" He wriggled where he sat and again Alex had to grab his arm to try and keep him still.

"Where did your mum go?"

"She went to get coffee." For once the 7-year-old gave a direct answer. He made a lot of noise for such a small person.

"You didn't answer our question." Alex looked at Ella like he couldn't believe he was thinking about arguing with a 7 year old.

"It's none of your business!"

The curtain opened. "Need any help?" Izzie stood there with a smirk on her face.

"No, we're fine. Just need to apply the bandages."

"You'll look like a mummy!" Ella giggled and pointed at her friend. Ricky replied by sticking out his tongue.

Izzie shook her head. "I see you've finally found people to connect with on your emotional level." And with that, she drew the curtain closed and left.

Izzie didn't want to be stuck in the ER, she wanted to be in surgery. She was willing a massive MVA or something to come rolling in the door just so she'd have something more to challenge herself. Although, bantering with Alex was making the day go quicker.

She wandered up to the nurses station on the surgical floor and leant on it with a sigh.

"Aren't you meant to be downstairs?" Meredith's voice appeared behind her.

"Got bored."

"I don't think Bailey will see that as a valid excuse." Meredith put her chart down beside Izzie. "You seem a lot happier today."

Izzie turned to face her friend. "I am. But please don't ask me to talk about it. I'm not ready."

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

Izzie stood up straight. "So, what patients have you got today?"

"A man who got into a fight with some barbed wire, and a kid coughing up green goo."

Izzie cringed. "Nice. Makes me glad I'm down in the ER."

"Wanna swap?"

Izzie turned towards the stairs. "Not a chance."

Hannah pushed her lasagne around her plate with a fork and stared at the glass of orange juice in front of her. She glanced at the clock. Madeleine would be there any minute to pick her up for dance class but suddenly it didn't seem to important. She used to dance because she enjoyed it, but lately it was just a way to escape. Her dad's death, her mom's illness, but this… This was different.

"Hannah, have you finished?" Mrs. Morris, Hannah's neighbour, called from the kitchen.

"Er, nearly" she lied. She put down her fork. She wasn't hungry. She wasn't feeling energetic or wide awake enough to dance either, but she'd go. Mrs. Morris meant well, but she didn't like being in her house without her mom there.

She'd left the hospital a few hours ago after the nurses told her once again to leave. Every day she was there as much as possible and every day she had to be dragged away. Sinse last night her mom had tried to talk to her about Isobel but she avoided the questions and changed the subject. She hadn't given her an answer, she just said she needed more time.

The truth was she didn't. She knew what she wanted to do but there was something stopping her. She'd always wanted to meet her, she imagined as a little girl what she would be like. Her parents had always been very careful to make her understand. She'd seen stories on TV about kids hating their real parents for giving them away but she didn't feel like that at all.

Hannah realised she was scared that the reality wouldn't live up to her imagination. And she didn't want to hurt her mom. She knew what her mom's plan was, for her to live in Seattle with her birth mom when she was gone, but she didn't want to think that far ahead. It scared her.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the doorbell ringing. She grabbed her gym bag and raced to the door, uttering a quick goodbye to Mrs. Morris. On the doorstep her friend greeted her with a smile.

"Hey, you ready to go?"

Hannah nodded but her eyes looked down nervously. "Maddy, if I tell you something do you promise to keep it a secret?"

She nodded. "Sure. Is it about your mom?"

Hannah walked ahead down the steps, biting her nails. "Yeah, but it's not what you think."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Hannah couldn't concentrate at dance. Her teacher was taking the class through new routines for their next performance but only part of her was listening. She was dancing the steps, but her mind was somewhere else. Maddy was next to her, only half paying attention too. She was looking at her friend with concern.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

"Yes" Hannah mouthed back.

"Girls!" The teacher snapped and they both jumped. "Please listen to me."

She looked at Hannah and her face softened. Inside, she screamed. She was sick of the sympathy looks, it wasn't her who was sick. She wondered how long she'd have to endure it for. It made her mad, she wanted to shut herself away from everyone just so she wouldn't have to see 'that look' on an hourly basis.

The girls uttered an apology but as soon as the teacher had taken her attention off them, Maddy nudged Hannah. "I think you should see her."

"Who?"

"Your real mom."

Hannah shrugged. "I don't know…"

"Your mom wants you to right? I think you do want to see her, you're just scared."

Maddy was 2 years younger than her and about 8 inches shorter than her. Hannah was amazed at her sometimes, it was like having an adult trapped in a 10 year olds body. Either that, or she could read minds.

Hannah pushed her blonde hair out her face and twiddled the end of a strand nervously while she stopped to catch her breath. "I don't know how to not be scared."

Maddy had nothing to say and watched the tears well up in her best friends eyes. "Do you need some water?"

Hannah nodded and they both left the studio. Standing in the kitchen by the sink a minute later, Maddy passed Hannah a paper towel.

Hannah blew her nose. "Have you ever been to Seattle?"

Maddy shock her head. "Is that where she lives?"

"Yeah."

"What does she do?"

Hannah sat down on a stool. "She's a doctor, a surgeon. Everything I do seems to be about hospitals at the moment."

Maddy paused for a moment. "Han, tell your mom you want to meet her."

Hannah opened her mouth to protest, but closed it again when she realised she had nothing to say. She had to summon up the courage and go for it. Everything her mom and Maddy had said was true, even if she didn't want to admit it.

"Stevens, do you want in? I know you're shift's nearly over but…"

"No!" Izzie jumped up. "I mean yes, I'd love to."

Addison smiled. "Alright, I'll see you in OR 2." Dr. Montgomery turned and walked down the hall and Izzie headed to the locker room to change into scrubs. She'd been stuck with mundane cases for most of the day, she wasn't going to turn down the one interesting patient she'd got even if she was tired.

Babies had a way of making her focus, making her thoughts clear in her mind. Even thinking about them had that effect, like it was now. She pulled her hair into a bun and shut her locker.

She had nearly reached the OR when she felt a tap on her shoulder. A worried looking man stared down at her.

"Are you a doctor? That's my wife in there, what's happening?"

Izzie didn't know, Addison hadn't said. She just smiled and did her best to calm him down. "We're doing everything we can for her. I'll tell you when we know more. Please, try not to worry."

He nodded but didn't look any less worried. She smiled back at him and continued down the hall. When she entered the scrub room, she pulled on a cap, and a nurse did up her masked while she cleaned her hands. Addison was already scrubbed in and was prepping the patient inside.

Izzie spoke to her through the glass. "Dr. Montgomery, what's the case?"

Her voice was muffled through the surgical mask. "Eliza Gibson, 34 years old. 7 months pregnant, with a benign tumour on her left ovary."

"We're removing it?"

Addison nodded at Izzie's surprised question. "Yeah, it's directing blood supply away from the baby, it's the best thing to do."

"Isn't it dangerous?"

"Yes. That's why I need another pair of hands."

Hannah stayed at Maddy's house after their dance class. She did most weeks, but tonight it felt like a big deal. They took it in turns to host their little sleepovers, and this week was meant to be Hannah's turn. Which was probably why it felt weird.

She lay on her back on Greg's spare mattress like she did every time she stayed. And tonight, like every time she stayed. Greg, Maddy's older brother, complained at the loss of his favourite video game playing spot.

Her eyes were wide open, she couldn't get to sleep. Maddy was nice about it, she stayed awake talking to her best friend for a while but tiredness eventually got too much for her and she fell asleep around 10. It was not 1:17, and the glow-in-the-dark stars tacked to the ceiling had stopped entertaining Hannah about three hours ago.

She'd spent the last few days lying awake wondering what Izzie was like, and whether or not she should meet her. Now she had decided to, the thought at the fore-front of her mind when she couldn't sleep, was her mom and how she'd feel when Hannah told her.

The mature part of her knew that that's what her mom wanted, and she'd been encouraging her ever sinse she told her. But there was still the little girl inside of her that wanted to wrap her arms around her and never let go, like they were the only people in the world.

Sally was her mom. That wasn't going to change. Ever. She'd always known she wasn't her 'real' mom, but, well, she was. She's the one who was always there, not Izzie. Not that she resented her for it, she understood why she gave her away. Hannah sighed deeply and rolled over, burying her head in her pillow. It was all so…. Complicated.

"She's still bleeding. Clamp." Addison had desperation in her voice. This operation had gone wrong from the start, and now the tumour was out, she was having a touch time tying off the blood vessels.

"The baby's heart rate's increased, it's in distress." Izzie relayed the information to Dr. Montgomery as calmly as she could, but she was getting a little panicked as well.

Addison said nothing, just sighed. "Suction please." She paused and looked up at Izzie. "I may need to deliver this baby. I'll need your help with that, we'll need to be quick."

Izzie nodded silently. She knew that was a last result. The longer the baby stayed inside its mother, the better chance it would have at survival. But right now, it's mothers BP was falling dangerously low and she was only just hanging on.

Addison packed in more swabs and took out those that were soaked through. She gave one last futile sigh. "This is hopeless. Scapel."

A nurse obliged and Addison leant in closer. Izzie took a step towards the patient. "What do you need me to do?"

Addison replied without looking up. "Take the baby when I cut him out, then I can attempt to patch up the mother."

George walked through the front door of his house and saw Meredith sitting on the couch. "Izzie still not home?"

Meredith shook her head. "No. I think she got called into surgery last minute."

"Right. I'm leaving to meet Callie in a few minutes, I better get changed." He walked past the living room door and had his foot on the first stair when Meredith called him back.

"Do you know what's wrong with her?"

George shook his head. "No. I don't seem to be the one she talks to anymore."

Meredith saw his face fall and knew exactly what he was thinking. "I asked Alex, she's not told him either. I don't think she talks to anyone anymore."

"He's still not breathing Dr. Montgomery, I don't know what else to do."

Addison looked up at the clock on the wall. "It's been 15 minutes, I don't think there is anything else you can do."

"No, I'm not giving up on him." There was desperation in Izzie's voice that startled Addison. Sure, it was always heartbreaking when a baby didn't make it, but there was something in her reaction that seemed out of place. Like there was something else going on, something else that was clouding Izzie's thoughts and influencing her decisions.

Addison finally managed to repair the artery and the bleeding slowed to a trickle. "Right." She sighed. "I'm ready to close."

"More oxygen"

"Stevens. He's gone."

Something in Izzie snapped when she looked down at the baby's still, silent face. "No, we have to save him. His parents…"

Addison put down her suture and walked around the table to where the intern was standing over the crib. She lay a gloved hand gently on her shoulder. "Let me see."

After a moment Izzie stepped aside, and Addison had full view of the baby she'd just delivered. She felt for a pulse, but there was nothing there. His lips had a hint of blue from lack of oxygen and she knew it was over. "Izzie, he's gone."

"No! Let me try one more time."

"Stevens." Addison snapped more than she intended, but Izzie stopped. "Step outside."

She paused for a moment before turning and hurrying out the OR. She threw her gloves and mask into the waste bin and pushed through the doors. She needed to stop, she needed to cry, but she didn't want to break down where anyone could see her. She ran, with tears welling up in her eyes before a voice stopped her.

She sniffed, and turned around to see the woman's husband looking at her expectantly. She tried to compose herself, but the man could see the look on her face, and his own face began to contort into worry.

"Oh my god, what…" He couldn't get anymore out. He swallowed the lump in his throat but when he opened his mouth again, no sound came out.

Izzie took a deep breath. "There were complications. There was a lot of bleeding when we removed the tumour and the baby was in distress. We had to deliver."

"Are they both ok?"

When Izzie paused for slightly too long tears began to form in the mans eyes. "We stitched up your wife, she's stable and on her way to recovery. But I'm sorry, your son didn't make it."

He stared past Izzie into space. "A boy?"

Izzie's voice was quiet. "Yes."

The man put his hand to his mouth. "We wanted it to be a surprise. Micheal, we were going to call him Micheal."

Izzie had to get away. "I'm sorry, someone will be out in a minute to take you to your wife."

The man nodded through his tears. Izzie turned and continued down the hall, her pace quickening. She reached the stairwell and shut the door behind her, trying to catch her breath. She sank to the floor and began to sob.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This is the first of 2 chapters tonight. I thought I'd posted it already, sorry for the long wait!

**Chapter 5**

Izzie straightened out her hair in the bathroom mirror and wiped away some of the mascara that had run down her face. Her initial shock and upset had only lasted a short time. She actually felt better from being able to let some of her pent up emotion out, albeit under false pretences.

Out in the hall, she saw Dr. Montgomery filing charts at the nurses station. Izzie knew she should walk over and apologise. But she also knew that Addison would ask questions. Her instinct told her that she didn't want to share, but thinking about it, would it be such a bad idea to confide in someone?

Addison wasn't her friend. She didn't mean that in a bad way. She'd worked with her countless times and they got on well, she was caring and Izzie had no doubt she would listen. She knew what her friends were like. "Weird and Judgy" according to Callie. She'd been fiercely defensive at her remark at the time, but running scenarios through her head sinse she first got the letter from Sally, she could see it too. It wasn't that she was questioning her friendships, just reflecting. She'd pulled away from them and was distant.

Before Izzie could take a step over to Adidson, she herself looked up and saw Izzie, and made her way over. Izzie however, was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry about the way I reacted. It was unprofessional, I need to learn to keep my distance."

Addison smiled. "It was a difficult case" she said, as a way of accepting Izzie's apology. She paused, studying the interns pensive expression. "Is there something else going on?"

Izzie looked up and shrugged, "Erm, yeah there is." As soon as she said that, she was no longer sure of how much she wanted to share. Addison seemed to pick up on this. "If you want to talk about it, you can find me."

"Thankyou." Izzie returned the attendings reassuring smile.

"No problem. You should go home and get some sleep."

Izzie looked at her watch. It was coming up to three but in truth, she hadn't noticed how late it was. "I don't think I could sleep."

Addison shook her head. "It's well known that interns get no sleep. I'd grab it when and where you can."

"My head's all full of crap, I couldn't relax. What about you?" She paused. "Are you even on call?"

"No" Addison replied through a yawn. "Just a sucker for punishment."

Izzie thought for a moment. "Doctors lounge for coffee?"

"You bet."

No one else seemed to share their thinking, either that or everyone who was still at the hospital was busy. The discarded blanket on the sofa pointed to the latter.

"That sofa's probably comfier than the bunks in the on call room" Addison commented, wandering over to the sink to make a pot of coffee. Izzie sat down on said sofa and fidgeted to get comfortable.

"Hey, about the operation…"

Addison turned off the tap and turned around. "It's alright. You don't have to talk about it."

"No, it's ok." And it was. Izzie felt surprisingly relaxed seeing as she was about to share her biggest secret with someone she didn't know all that well. She exhaled and looked at the floor. "Is this weird? It's not like we're best friends."

Addison flicked the switched to boil the kettle and wandered over to the seating area, squinting slightly under the neon lights. "Only if you think it is."

Izzie sighed, and shifted her weight again. "I've never told anyone this before."

"Sounds ominous." Addison had sensed that the younger woman was uncomfortable and tried to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, Izzie gave her a small smile.

"It's a long story. Are you sure you've got time?"

Addison paused. "Not sure. I can give you until my pager goes off." She grinned.

Izzie did too. "I had a baby" she started, with surprising ease. "When I was 16. A little girl." She looked up, trying to gage Addison's reaction but she didn't say a work, just listened like Izzie suspected she would.

"Her name's Hannah and she's 12 now. A few weeks ago I was sent a letter by her adoptive mother in Portland. She told me she was dying of Brain cancer and wanted me to meet her."

Izzie stopped and after a moment Addison spoke up. "That's why you had the day off right?"

Izzie nodded. "Yeah, I drove to the hospital to see her. We talked, she showed me pictures…" At this, Izzie couldn't help but smile. But her expression soon changed. "Hannah doesn't know she contacted me. Sally said she'd talk to her, but now I'm scared she won't want to know and that's why I've been all over the place today."

Addison took everything in, without judgement. "When will you know? If she does want to see you, I mean."

Izzie liked that. She didn't say everything would be ok, or that she'd be a fool not to want to. She just asked a question, her quiet but caring expression not changing, ever the professional.

"I don't know. Soon." Izzie cleared her throat. "Hannah's dad died years ago. I know where this is all leading. Sally never said in so many words but I know she wants me to take Hannah when she's gone. I'm just a little…. Freaked out by all of this."

Izzie breathed out slowly with relief and slumped into the cushions. At that moment, the kettle boiled, and Addison stood up to continue making the coffee. "It is a lot to take in" she admitted, "no wonder you've been somewhere else."

"I'm so bad at keeping my personal stuff out of work."

"Aren't we all. I work, on a regular basis, with my ex-husband, and the guy who caused us to break up."

Izzie laughed. "Half the staff are sleeping with each other. I fight ruthlessly for surgeries against my two roomies. It's impossible to keep personal stuff out of work in this hospital."

"You don't have to share everything" Addison said. "We don't have to know everything about everyone else."

"Good" Izzie said simply, staring past Addison into space. "Because I'm not ready to tell."

"Sweetheart, are you ok?" Hannah sat by her Mom's bed with her head resting on her lap. Sally stroked her hair and looked down at her daughter with concern. "What's on your mind?"

Hannah was quiet. When she answered, she didn't make any attempt to move. "I'm just tired, I didn't get much sleep last night."

Sally sighed. "Come on, I know you better than that. Are you thinking about Izzie?"

Hannah nodded. She could never keep anything from her mom for long, she'd never been able too. There was a time when she was seven when she'd broken a vase in the kitchen and tried to blame it on next doors cat. That story lasted about 30 seconds until she burst into tears and admitted it was her. She turned her head and looked at Sally with a look of guilt on her face. "I love you. You're my mom, nothing's going to change that. Ever. But…"

"But you want to meet her?" Sally smiled, but Hannah just look more upset and a tear slid down her cheek.

"Yeah" she said quietly.

"Darling, I'm so glad you said that. I don't think you're abandoning me or anything, I know how much you love me." Hannah nodded slowly, still unsure, but Sally leant forward and kissed her daughters forehead. "I'll call Isobel and tell her to come. But now, you've got to go to school."

"Here. I brought you breakfast." Alex walked up to Izzie casually, brandishing a muffin and a cup of coffee.

Izzie was taken aback, and smiled despite herself. All she could manage to get out was a surprised sounding "thanks."

"You seem different today" Alex said, handing over the food.

"Hmm?" Izzie said, too preoccupied with her muffin to give him her full attention.

"More relaxed. Like whatever's been on your mind lately has gone."

"It's not gone, I just… sorted some stuff out."

She smiled at him and Alex grew visibly embarrassed. "I er… I have a patient to see."

He made his excuse and left. Izzie watched him go, shaking her head as he stepped into the elevator. She turned her attention back to her breakfast, and began picking the topping off the muffin. It was the only way to eat it. Making crumbs was half the fun.

"Dr. Stevens, there's a call for you."

Izzie's relaxed demeanour suddenly tensed and she put down her muffin. Gingerly taking the phone from the nurse behind the desk, she knew who was on the other end of the line. She took a deep breath before speaking, preparing herself for the worst. "Hello?"

"Izzie?" Sally's voice sounded relaxed, and Izzie exhaled.

"Yeah, it's me."

There was a pause, and it suddenly occurred to Izzie that Sally had bad news after all. For a split second, she felt like running away so she wouldn't have to listen, but then Sally spoke again.

"I talked to Hannah this morning. She wants to meet you. Can you come?"

Izzie grinned. A stupidly big grin and she felt her eyes go moist. Anyone watching her would think she was a nut, but she didn't care. "Thankyou. Thankyou so much. When do you want me to come?"

"As soon as you can. I know you have work and everything but…"

"It doesn't matter. I'll find time off. This is more important."

She thanked Sally again, sounding a little like a broken record, handed the phone back to the nurse and tucked back in to her muffin with a beaming smile across her face.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thanks kfor all the reviews guys, I really appreciate it. I hope some of you are still interested!! Appologies for the shortness of this chapter but I had to end it where I did for the next chapter to flow. That should be up in a couple of days_

**Chapter 6**

Izzie didn't know what Addison had said to Bailey to let her have time off only 3 days later, but frankly, she didn't care. She was sure there were a million and one terms and conditions, probably involving rectal exams and paper work, but none of that even registered on Izzie's radar.

She was thinking way too much about Hannah and what it would be like when they met for the first time later today. Some may say over thinking. But Izzie couldn't help it, it's what she did. Either that, or bury her head in the sand and stay completely oblivious to what was going on around her. But she'd done that enough, right then her brain was in overdrive.

When Addison had told her she could have the time off she could have hugged her. As nervous as she was, she was also excited. Terrified actually, but excited. All those years ago when she'd handed her baby over, she never thought she'd get the chance to see her again. And now she had, she wasn't going to screw it up.

When Izzie called Sally to say she could come, Sally had once again reassured her than Hannah really did want to meet her. And the more she heard it the more she thought it must be true.

The drive to Portland seemed to be taking less time today. Izzie didn't think she was speeding but looked down at the speedometer every now and then to make sure. The fluttering in her stomach had lessened, butterflies now, instead of pigeons, and she no longer found it hard to grip the steering wheel because her palms were sweating. She just felt better about everything today than she had done before.

She'd woken up that morning in a surprisingly good mood. It lead Meredith and George to speculate like crazy about why she had another day off. Their theories ranged from lottery win, to secret rendezvous with a married billionaire. She'd neither confirmed nor denied any of their suggestions, simply left the house and pulled out of the driveway with a smirk on their face, as they both stood half dressed in the doorway with frustration all over their faces.

She turned pulled off at the intersection, lost in her own thoughts. As she turned the steering wheel down the side road, a large SUV screeched past her, cutting her off. Several motorists beeped loudly at it, but before Izzie's mind snapped fully back to the real world, it had charged off.

She silently cursed to herself and scowled in the direction the car had gone. Izzie's irritation lasted only a moment though, as she herself continued up the road at a more acceptable pace, her mind back on Hannah and Sally.

Izzie zoned out so much that she didn't fully hear the loud crash in the distance and the chorus of car horns. She heard, but her mind just didn't register, and it wasn't until she got 100 yards further and the horns grew louder that she realised what had happened. The SUV was on it's side against the barrier and the driver had fled. As she slowed down, she then saw that that it had hit a small red car that was now wrapped around a lamp post, and there was a guy inside yelling for help.

"She's not coming, is she?" Hannah didn't want to say it, and when the words finally escaped her mouth, they were quiet and timid.

Sally closed her eyes and tilted her hair towards the ceiling. "Sweetheart, she'll be here."

"What is she's not?" Hannah didn't want to make eye contact with her Mom incase she burst into tears.

Sally reached out and placed a hand gently on her daughter's arm. "I spoke to her, she sounded thrilled that you wanted to meet her. She's probably just held up in traffic."

Hannah nodded slowly, accepting the explanation. It had been over an hour sinse Isobel said she'd be there, and with every minute that passed, Hannah's confidence and resolve ebbed away that little bit more. After a moment, she shook her head, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. "I… I need to be on my own."

She stood up urgently, and pulled back the curtain surrounding her mother's bed. "Darling, I don't think you should run off on your own when you're this upset." She sensed her daughter's frustrations and wanted desperately to protect her, but her words were futile and Hannah walked quickly out of the ward, mumbling apologies as she went.

Sally slumped back in her bed once the double doors swung shut and sighed. Perhaps it would be best if Hannah cooled off, but that didn't stop her worrying. She wanted more than anything to protect Hannah, she'd already been through so much. In that moment Sally began to doubt whether contacting Izzie was the right thing to do after all.

In the back of the ambulance, Izzie only took her eyes off the patient's heart monitor to glance at the time. 2 hours ago she said she'd be there, her eyes filled with tears at the thought that she'd let Hannah down, but she didn't allow herself to think about that for more than a couple of seconds, she needed to be a doctor now, this man's life could've very well depended on her ability to focus on her job.

The sirens were blaring but to Izzie, it hardly felt they were moving. "ETA?" She shouted to the paramedic across from her. She had her hands pressed deeply into the man's abdomen, trying desperately to stop the massive bleeding. He'd lost consciousness long ago. As soon as the fire fighters had cut him free from the wreckage, the tangle of metal that was stopping him bleeding out was no longer there so Izzie's hands had to do the same job.

"5 minutes, tops" the paramedic answered. Izzie sighed, it wasn't that long really, but it seemed like a lifetime. Sure, she was worried about her patient, worried about how long he could hold out without a transfusion, but more than any of that, she wanted to meet with Sally and Hannah and show them that she never intended to mess them around. She thanked god that this ambulance was going to the same hospital.

Hannah walked round the side of the hospital building, away from the busy courtyard by the front entrance. She needed time to herself. Not just away from her Mom and people she knew, but from strangers as well. She wanted time to think.

She spun around in surprise when she felt a tap on her shoulder. "Honey, this is an ambulance bay, you can't hang around here. You should go back inside."

Hannah nodded, but the nurses words didn't really sink in, but moments later she was gone, evidently more concerned about her incoming patient than making sure her command was carried out, so Hannah continued walking towards a bench to the left of the automatic doors.

She sat down, letting out a long sigh, hoping it would relieve some of the stress and tension that filled her whole body. It didn't work however, Hannah suddenly felt very restless, like she should be doing something really important right then, but didn't know what. She stood up again, fidgeting from one foot to the other, feeling completely useless an no help at all to anyone.

She wanted to cry. She'd been trying to keep her emotions in check but it was all getting too much. It would only take one more thing to tip her right over the edge, and she feared that Izzie not turning up would do just that.

Sirens grew louder as an ambulance swung round the corner, and the blue and red lights illuminated everything, despite it being broad daylight. There was a bustle of activity as nurses and doctors stood anxiously waiting for it's arrival. She suddenly felt even more useless, now she was just in the way. She turned to leave, taking the nurses advice, only her brain was too exhausted to function at it's normal speed and her movements were slow and lethrgic. By the time she'd realised it was best to go somewhere else, the ambulance had already pulled up, preventing her from crossing the parking bay back towards the main entrance.

She just stood there watching, studying the people as they meticulously went about their job. Focusing on every movement, every detail, although their words were jumbled and she didn't understand some of the words, but she found it strangely fascinating.

They were just a blur of bodies and faces, regulation green scrubs, lab coats and paramedic uniforms all whizzed facelessly by. That was, until the last woman jumped out of the ambulance. She was wearing jeans and a soft, floaty white top. 'Patient's relative' she though, that was until she saw her face.

He thoughts a movements were caught in a freeze-frame. The woman shouted orders ahead of her but Hannah didn't hear. She was transfixed.

Then she turned around. Hannah didn't know why, she wondered if she'd made some kind of noise in surprise. When the woman saw her, it only took a beat for recognition and shock to spread across her face and she stopped dead in her tracks.

They stood there just metres apart, neither moving or making a sound, wondering frantically what to do next, what to say, wondering if they should be the one to make the first move.

Eventually, Izzie was the one to break the silence. "Hi" she said timidly, and smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry it took so long for an update! Hopefully this was worth the wait.

**Chapter 7**

Izzie dabbed her hands dry with a paper towel and looked at herself in the mirror. She borrowed a scrub top from the ER, and headed into the bathroom to clean herself up, promising Hannah she'd be right out. She fixed her hair, and starred down at her blood-stained white shirt for a little longer than was necessary. She still felt a little shocked, mixed with overwhelming relief that Hannah hadn't run a mile as soon as she saw her. Deciding there was no saving her top, she tossed it in the trash along with the paper towels and pushed open the door.

She'd asked Hannah to wait for her while she cleaned herself up, promising she'd be back. Hannah had only nodded slowly and sat down on a bench, Izzie was surprised to see her when she walked out of the bathroom. She was on a payphone by the main exit, and when she saw Izzie walking towards her, she said one last thing into the phone and hung up.

"Who were you calling?" The moment Izzie said that, she knew it sounded nosy and pushy and she flinched. But Hannah didn't seem to notice.

"I called the ward where my Mom is to tell her where I was. I didn't want her to worry."

Izzie smiled. "Are you sure you don't want to go back and see her." She paused. "It's a little late now, but I imagined you'd want her there when you met me."

Hannah shrugged, but she didn't seem as nervous as she had done. "I thought I did, but… I don't know." She stopped, taking a moment to think about something. It wasn't clear to Izzie what, but she figured the girl had thousands of thoughts in her head right now. God knew she did. Hannah breathed in ready to speak again, but the air caught in her throat and no sound came out.

"Do you want to go somewhere else and talk?"

Hannah let the breath she was holding out. "Yeah."

"We could go get a soda or something." Izzie shrugged, unsure what to do for the best. She really didn't know how she should react, she was walking on egg shells and couldn't relax. She was winging it, and just hoped she didn't say anything to upset Hannah or scare her away.

"There's a coffee place across the street."

* * *

Izzie say across from Hannah in a booth by the window, stirring her mocha latte with a spoon. She studied her, every detail. She was a pretty girl, tall and skinny with long blonde hair falling over her shoulders, just like the photo that Sally had shown her. Izzie suddenly became aware that Hannah was looking right at her and blinked, blushing.

It was Hannah, however, who spoke first, and her words implied that she'd been studying Izzie, just the same. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare." Her voice was quiet, and Izzie got the feeling that was very out of character. She got the sense that Hannah was usually a confident girl, but everything about the way she seemed now contradicted that.

Izzie gave her a small smile. "It's ok. I know this is weird for you, it's weird for me too."

She was hoping that would lead Hannah to say something else, because the truth was she didn't have a clue what to say herself. She decided though, that it wasn't fair to make a scared twelve year old lead a conversation with a stranger, so she forced herself to speak. "I'm sorry I was late, there was a car accident."

Hannah looked up. "What happened?"

Izzie let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding. She was glad that, for now at least, she could hide behind small talk about her job. "A guy in front of my on the intersection slammed into a lamppost. He was trapped."

Hannah looked concerned. Izzie didn't understand why at first, she didn't even know him. But then she realised that with everything that was going on with her mother, Hannah was probably sensitive to stuff like this.

Izzie had to pause and think about the answer. "I don't know" she said, a little shocked with herself that she hadn't bothered to find out. "When I saw you outside everything else kinda flew out my mind."

Izzie smiled again, a little embarrassed. The look on Hannah's face told her she was embarrassed too, and didn't know what to say in response.

"How's your Mom today?" Izzie said finally.

"Ok I guess." Then Hannah added, "same as usual really."

She bowed her head, which told Izzie that 'the same as usual' wasn't great. How well can someone be with terminal cancer? Izzie wished she'd asked a different question, and changed the subject. "I'm really glad she called me."

Hannah looked up. Izzie's words seemed to lift the mood and she managed a faint smile back, but she still said nothing.

"I've always wondered about you. Where you were, what you looked like, what kinda things you liked…" Izzie trailed off, but soon carried on with renewed eagerness. "Your parents used to send me letters about you, but then you moved."

Hannah's expression was one of apology, even though that was not her fault. "Dad's company moved" she said simply, then was lost for words again.

Izzie felt a vague sense of sympathy for the girl. She could tell that all she wanted to do was run off and hide in a corner, but still felt compelled to make conversation. It was like she was scared that if they stopped talking all would be lost. "What do you want to talk about? Do you want to ask me anything?"

Hannah thought. "Erm… Mom's told me quite a lot."

"Really? All good I hope."

Hannah smiled, her first genuine smile sinse they'd sat down. "She said you're a surgeon in Seattle." Izzie nodded in confirmation. Hannah paused for a moment, as if she couldn't quite decide if saying what she was about to say was a good idea. "And she's told me stuff about how… About why you gave me up."

A strange feeling came over Izzie, something like guilt, and now she was the one lost for words. Thankfully, Hannah carried on, seemingly unfazed by what she'd just said, or at least, less fazed than Izzie.

"Can you tell me? I mean, I know, but…"

Izzie nodded, not needing her to carry on. And not wanting to either, she could tell it was hard. "I was only 15 when I got pregnant with you. I lived in a trailer park, my mom worked in a diner, and my dad wasn't around. I just wanted you to have more than I could give you."

Hannah nodded, and the look she gave Izzie told her that this was what Sally had said. Izzie was glad she'd not tried to twist things. But then cursed herself for thinking Sally had a reason to.

Hannah fiddled with a lock of her hair, obvious struggling to find more to say. Finally she asked, "Were you glad when mom called you?"

Izzie lifted her cup to take a sip of her drink, but stopped before the liquid touched her mouth. "Of course." She paused, considering her answer. "I was… Surprised. And worried, scared you wouldn't want to see me…"

Izzie was rambling, the way she did whenever she got anxious. Her thoughts spilled out at double speed. After a moment, she seemed to realise this and stopped, smiling slightly with embarrassment. "Sorry, I babble when I'm nervous."

Hannah smiled back. "Me too."

This recognition of something they had in common, however small and unimportant, broke the tension that was hanging in the air, that neither of them were really aware of until it lifted and they both physically relaxed into their seats. When Izzie spoke again, she was a lot calmer. "Tell me something about you. What hobbies do you like?"

Hannah tucked her hair behind her ear, letting go of the nervous fidget that she had so far had ever sinse they sat down. "I dance." She smiled when she said this, happiness flashing across her face. "I'm a ballerina."

"Your mom showed me a photo from your show."

Hannah laughed, and took her turn to be embarrassed. "Not that one, she shows everyone. I look all sweaty and like I emight puke."

Izzie shook her head. "You look beautiful." Hannah blushed. "Your mom's really proud of you, I can tell."

* * *

During their walk from the coffee shop up to the cancer ward on the 4th floor where Sally was being treated, Hannah and Izzie kept up their conversation with suprising ease. After the initial awkwardness, both were pleased to discover that their first meeting was not nearly as terrifying as both of them had imagined in their minds.

They talked about all sorts in the hour or so they were together. None of it that important, but served to allow them to get to know each other a little. Izzie was surprised at how mature Hannah was, she kept forgetting she was only 12. She thought with a slight tinge of sadness that everything she'd been through forced her to mature quickly, and she felt a pang of guilt, knowing she was partly responsible.

In the same way, Hannah was surprised at what Izzie was like too. She wasn't sure why. Of course she'd built up a picture in her mind of what her birth mother was really like, and Izzie was different, but she couldn't pin point how. Hannah guessed she'd expected some screw up, who had done nothing with their life. But Izzie was positive and intelligent and successful, and ultimately, Hannah was pleased the reality exceeded her expectations.

They didn't take the elevator. It was a subconscious decision, perhaps wanting to extend their meeting by that little extra time it took to climb the stairs. Izzie wanted to stay longer, she would have sat there drinking over priced coffee and chatting to Hannah all day if she could, but hospital visiting hours were almost over, and she could tell Hannah wanted to see her mom.

The stopped at the top of the stairwell. Izzie went to push the double doors open, but stopped and reached into the back pocket of her jeans. She pulled out her card.

"Here, call me any time you like."

Hannah took it and nodded. "I will."

"Do you want me to walk to the ward with you?"

Hannah thought for a moment. "You don't have to."

"It's fine" Izzie said. Hannah nodded shyly.

When they reached the reception desk, by the door to the ward, they stood silently for a moment.

"I should get off" Izzie said, suddenly getting embarrassed and nervous again, when they had been talking so easily before. Perhaps she was scared that if she left it would be another 12 years before they saw each other again. She paused that thought to the back of her mind and tried to suppress her irrational anxiety.

"I should, er… Go see Mom…"

Izzie noticed Hannah's voice quieten when she said 'Mom'. Like she didn't want to hurt her feelings. One thing she'd learnt about Hannah in the time sinse she met her was how sensitive she was to everyone around her.

Izzie turned to walk towards the elevator after saying goodbye but didn't get very far. "Izzie?" She heard her name called and turned around.

"It was good to meet you."

Izzie smiled warmly. "You to."

Hannah disappeared through the doors and Izzie watched her go. Izzie stood in quiet contemplation for a moment. She peered through the window to the ward, she couldn't resist watching Hannah that little bit more. It all felt so surreal, she'd waited 12 years for this day, ran possible scenarios of how it might turn out over and over in her head so many times, now it had actually happened and it hadn't quite sunk in.

She was disturbed from her thoughts by a light tap on her shoulder. She turned to find a nurse standing by her. "Can I help you?"

"Yes" Izzie said, before really thinking at all. "I'm a doctor. Not here, somewhere else…" She paused and slowed down, realising she ran the risk of babbling again. "Can I see Sally Jenkins' medical records?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Izzie didn't know how she managed it, but the next morning she'd taken her first opportunity to abandon the ER and now was on a search for Dr. Shepherd, with copies of Sally's medical records in her hands.

In her mind, she was going over and over possible ways of approaching him, thinking of each scenario for a minute or two, before discarding it and moving onto the next. Which was the best way to get the desired results? The first thought that entered her mind was to somehow use his relationship with Meredith but she couldn't quite see a way that would work. It then occurred to her to wait until the following morning when she would no doubt see him in their kitchen in a scruffy old T-shirt and boxers, stealing the last of the cereal, but she had the notes in her hands right now. Izzie didn't think she could stand to wait that long.

Could she bribe him with baked goods? No, that was far too juvenile. Eventually she decided that the best option was to be honest. Well, maybe not completely honest. She knew Derek, and they way he worked, well enough to know that she had to find some way to appeal to him both professionally and personally.

Talk up Sally's case like it was an exciting challenge that he could solve. She'd read the notes. Hell, she'd barely done anything but read the notes sinse she convinced some junior nurse to get them for her; she knew it was a challenge. The solving part? She had her doubts. But she had to try.

Tell the whole story, Izzie knew, would appeal to Shepherd's caring side, but she just couldn't; not yet. She'd go with 'friend'. She doubted Derek would push her for precise details but it didn't stop her feeling sick at the thought of having to let slip.

Telling Addison had been different, somehow. There wasn't so much on the line then. And she hadn't had the time to work herself up into a state thinking about it, telling her just kind of happened.

Izzie was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice someone beside her calling her name.

"Izzie, Izzie?"

She blinked herself out of her daze and focused on Alex's unusually concerned face looking at her. When she managed a slight smile and a feeble "hi" his expression only grew even more confused.

"Are you alright?"

"Um yeah, have you seen Dr. Shepherd?"

Alex shrugged. "No." He paused. "How was your day off yesterday? I could use a holiday."

"It wasn't a holiday" Izzie admitted, before she could stop herself. She didn't mean to say that, she didn't intend to give anything away to make people suspicious, but she feared a few of her friends already were.

Alex seemed to detect her anxiety and didn't press for more information. "Ok" He said simply, and then after thinking for a moment, said "If you want to get a drink after work and talk about anything…" He trailed off.

Izzie smiled again, more genuine this time "Thanks."

"Stevens."

Their conversation was cut off by an all too familiar voice barking at them from down the corridor. They both looked up to see Bailey standing there, hands on hips.

"Is there any danger of you doing some work any time soon? Or are you just going to stand around gossiping."

"I er…" Izzie replied urgently, but didn't have an excuse. "Sorry, I'll get right on it."

Bailey appeared to soften. "Make sure you do." She turned her attention to Alex. "Karev, the x-rays are back for Mr. Phillips, can you make sure you get them to Dr. Sloane?"

Alex took this in and nodded in compliance. Bailey looked at them bother for a fraction longer and satisfied that they'd both heard her and were going to pay attention, continued her walk down the hallway. Alex turned to walk the opposite way, throwing another meaningful glance towards Izzie.

She stood there for a minute in thought, before snapping back to her mission and focusing around her, trying to locate Derek.

Izzie had located Derek staring at the surgical board about an hour after her run in with Bailey. She'd completed about 50 minutes of obligatory ER suturing, all the while thinking about nothing other than what she would say when she finally found him.

But when she did finally find him, she'd chickened out, and now was sat in the downstairs lobby on her lunch break cursing herself for missing her chance. He had now been in the OR for a good 2 hours and by all accounts it was going to be a long surgery. She sat in one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, scuffing her feet on the ground like a kid. She let our a frustrated sigh, and nibbled at a prawn cocktail chip.

She looked up to see Cristina walking towards her. It took her mildly by surprised, Cristina was the last person she expected to find her, but she was secretly pleased at the possibility of having someone to talk to.

"Izzie" she said with conviction as she got closer. "There you are. You'll never guess the case Burke has upstairs."

Izzie's ears pricked up at the possibility of something more interesting that suturing to distract herself. "Oh?"

"Thoracopagus conjoined twins" Cristina announced with excitement. "Can you believe it? 2 people, 1 heart. And it needs repairing."

Izzie swallowed another chip, and gave Cristina a look. "And you're scrubbing in right?"

"Yep" she said, not even trying to hide her smugness. "But, you know, I thought you might want to come take a look."

"Thanks" Izzie said, genuinely grateful that Cristina had bothered to come and find her. But she feared her general anxiety disguised her true intentions and came across as sarcasm. However, Cristina didn't notice, and after assuring her she would be up in a moment, Yang turned and walked across the lobby to the elevator.

Yet another reason to avoid Shepherd, she thought, then felt immediately guilty. She'd promised herself the second she'd seen Hannah return to Sally's bedside, that she would do all she could, in her professional capacity as well as her personal one, to help the two of them out.

* * *

Izzie watched groundbreaking surgery below and for the first time in her career, didn't really care. Maybe 'watching' was too strong a word. She starred in the general direction of Cristina, Dr. Burke and the rest of the team below, but it was as if she was counting the floor tiles or something, she wasn't paying attention.

Everyone else around her in the packed viewing gallery was leaning forward in their seats, mesmerised by what they were seeing, but Izzie slouched against the back wall, playing with the end of her stethoscope without noticing.

Even when somebody rested a hand on her shoulder, Izzie's mind was so far away that it took her a while for it to return to her body, and register that someone was trying to get here attention.

It was Addison.

"Is everything ok?" the red head asked in a hushed voice as she sat down on the bench next to Izzie. She didn't want to draw attention to them, and Izzie was grateful.

"Yeah" was the reply Izzie offered, but she knew even before the words left her lips that she wasn't going to sound very convincing. Before Addison could even says he didn't believe her, Izzie surrendered to the fact that she would have to tell the truth. She needed to confide in someone, bottling everything up was not going to do her any good.

Izzie took a breath like she was going to say what was on her mind, but then faltered. "I'd rather not talk about it here…"

Addison nodded and stood up. "Let's go…"

"Don't you want to watch the operation?"

Addison shook her head. "It's ok. Come and talk to me."

"I've been trying to pluck up the courage to talk to Dr. Shepherd" Izzie confided, when they were down the corridor from the viewing gallery, out of earshot from everyone.

"Derek? Why?"

"I persuaded a nurse to give me a copy Sally's medical file." She stopped, waiting for Addison to voice her disapproval. When all the older doctor did was sigh, Izzie kept talking. She didn't take the time to read Addison's expression, but in her mind she felt like she needed to defend herself. "I have to do something" she said, her voice becoming a little strained, despite the hushed tones they still spoke in. "I have to try at least."

"Izzie, if the doctors say there's nothing to be done for her…"

"I have to try." Izzie repeated this with determination. "There's no harm in asking Shepherd to take a look right? I mean, he's the best…"

Addison nodded. She understood, she just didn't want false hope to be raised. "Don't make any promises" Addison warned, but she didn't sound threatening, only concerned. "I don't just mean to Hannah and Sally, I mean to yourself."

Izzie smiled a kind of grateful, melancholic smile. "I know" she said.

Addison smiled back. "I think Derek will be out of surgery soon. You should talk to him."

Izzie took a deep breath when she saw Dr. Shepherd enter the doctors lounge on the surgical floor. It was ridiculous how nervous she was, Izzie was having flash-backs to the time she had to stand outside the principle's office right before being suspended from school for 2 days for cutting class. You don't go to school, so they punish you by not letting you go to school? There was a flaw in the system there…

'Oh, shut up.' Izzie scalded herself. Focus. With the brown cardboard file clutched to her chest, she strode towards the door that was falling shut, building herself up with every step.

Her fragile confidence was shattered however, by the shrill beeping of her pager penetrating her thoughts. She let her shoulders slump and her posture fall, instantly reverting back to being terrified again, yet she still couldn't put her finger on why she was so nervous.

She reached down to her belt, tilting the beeper upwards so she could glance at the screen. She frowned. She didn't recognise the number. Then she made her way to the desk.

* * *

Hannah's whole body convulsed with emotion, and thick salty tears streamed down her face. She'd dialled Izzie's pager, fearing she wouldn't be able to speak, but when the receptions phone rang and the nurse handed it back to her with a concerned expression, she knew she'd have to.

She took the receiver, her hand shaking violently. Time must have stood still, Hannah had no concept of how long she'd been standing there staring down at the off-white phone handset, but when she finally lifted it to her ear, the person on the other end of the line was asking if anyone was there.

She made an effort to control her sobs, but in doing so began to hiccup. When she did speak, as she feared, she could barely get her words out.

"Izzie… Her heart stopped. She's getting sicker. Please help, please help…" On that last work, her sobs returned at full force. She gripped the phone so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She didn't move; she wasn't able to. If she tried, she was scared her legs would give way.

Hannah still had the phone to her ear, but she wasn't listening to the voice on the other end of the line, she couldn't comprehend the words.


	9. Chapter 9

_I'm so sorry this update took so long. I don't really have an excuse, my muse has just been on holiday. I hope you're all still interested in my story, and I hope the next part won't take so long. I'd be very greatful if you could review and let me know what you think. Good or bad, I can take it!_

**Chapter 9**

Izzie had forgotten how old Hannah was. Well, obviously she hadn't, but when she met the girl before in Portland, she'd seemed to grown up and mature that it had slipped Izzie's mind that she was only 12 and was talking to her like one of her friends.

But the scared voice on the other end of the phone line belonged to a terrified child, whose mother was dying. When she hung up the phone, Izzie felt an overwhelming urge to jump in her car and go to her, but fought it back. She didn't have the right. And she couldn't run out in the middle of her shift.

She'd told Hannah she'd help, and she would. But the best thing she could do for Sally, for her daughter now was talk to Derek. Being there would only make herself feel better, it wouldn't do anything to save Sally, or ease Hannah's pain.

"Dr. Shepherd, I need you to look at a patient for me."

It didn't take as much effort to talk to him as Izzie expected. He nodded at her and continued down the hall. "Sure, where are they?"

Izzie didn't move from the spot where she approached him by the nurses station. After a few steps, Derek realised she wasn't following him and turned around, regarding her with confusion.

Izzie swallowed. "That's the thing. They're not at the hospital. It's kind of… personal." She fixed her eyes on Derek, a silent plea passing from her to him. He saw the blatant need in her eyes and walked back towards her.

"What's this about?"

Izzie passed him the file she held wordlessly. He took it and started skimming over the contests with the eyes of someone who had somewhere else to be. Izzie watched him without saying a word. She stared intently at his face, looking for some hint that would tell her what he was thinking. After a while, he took his eyes of the notes and looked at Izzie.

"It's pretty advanced" he said, trying to phrase what he wanted to say in the best way possible. "I'm not sure there's much I'd be able to do."

"But… You're the best." Izzie didn't quite mean to say that, it just came out that way. But it's what she was thinking. If Dr. Derek Shepherd, one of the best neurosurgeons in the country couldn't help, then no one could. And Izzie didn't want to entertain that possibility for even a second. She took a deep breath of air, and stated over, thinking carefully about what she said. "Please…" But she wasn't sure what to say next.

"Dr. Stevens, I'm not sure what you want me to do. Who is this patient?"

Izzie faltered, and stumbled over her words for a moment. "A friend." She didn't elaborate. Derek wanted more information from her, Izzie could tell, but he didn't push. Instead, he sighed.

"Look, I'll take this with me." He motioned with his hand that was still carrying the folder containing Sally's medical notes. "I'll have a proper look over them when I have the chance. But I'm not promising anything." He adjusted his coat. "I better get to surgery."

"Thankyou!" Izzie called after him when he started to walk away in the direction of the elevator. It was only a small step, asking Derek for help, but it felt like a weight had been lifted from Izzie's shoulders and she couldn't help but smile.

* * *

Addison entered the cafeteria and headed straight for the coffee machine. Her finger hovered over the 'select' button for a moment, wondering with weary amusement why she was having such a hard time selecting cappuccino or latte. She went with espresso in the end with a sigh, wishing she had time to sit down and enjoy a large cup of coffee and a bagel for lunch before she had to rush back into surgery.

She took her cup and glanced at her watch, but when she turned around she spotted Derek on his own at a table by the wall, leaning over some patient notes with his hands on the back of his head. He ruffled his hair in that way he did when he was anxious about something and Addison grinned slightly, before scolding herself. He wasn't hers to gaze at like that anymore. But she still crossed the busy canteen and stood beside him.

"Mind if I sit?" she asked, and he looked up.

"Sure. But you've got an espresso there, that's a sure sign you're in a rush. We surgeons learn these things." He offered her a tired smile and she sat down.

"It's ok. I'm sure Meredith can deal with my patient for a little longer."

At the sound of his girlfriend's name, Derek's expression changed, as if he was suddenly aware he was talking to his ex-wife and not just another surgeon, and he fidgeted on his stool.

Addison took her eyes of his awkward expression and they fell on the file open in front of him. He noticed where she was looking before she said anything. "I don't know what to do about this patient" he said, sounding exasperated."

"Did Izzie tell you anything about her?" Addison asked, before she really knew what she was saying.

Derek looked up, confused. "How do you know Dr. Stevens gave it to me?"

Addison's eyes grew wide, and she downed her coffee, avoiding eye contact and hoping that Derek would just shake her outburst off and change the subject. But when she replaced her paper cup on the table and chanced a glance his way, she saw he was watching her with curiosity.

Addison closed her eyes and sighed. "Crap" she said, more to herself than Derek. "Please forget I said anything."

Derek gave no signs of letting it drop. "Do you know something about this patient?" he asked.

"I know that Izzie knows her" she said, hoping this would be sufficient. She didn't want to lie to Derek, but at the same time she couldn't betray Izzie's trust.

"That makes sense" said Derek. "Why else would she ask me to look at a patient in a different city. How did she get these notes?"

Addison raised an eyebrow. "It's probably best you don't know."

Derek looked sceptical, but didn't say anything more, no doubt deciding that not knowing was best for everyone.

"So, is there anything you can do?" Addison asked, hoping to steer the conversation towards the medical rather than personal aspects of the case.

Derek shook his head and threw his hands in the air. "I don't think so" he said, his voice sounding pained. "The tumour is really too far advanced. Her doctors have tried everything I can think of worth trying."

"You could operate. Just because Sally's surgeons didn't think it was possible, doesn't mean you can't do it. You're the best." Addison smiled slightly.

"Why are you and Stevens fighting so hard for this woman? Who is she to Izzie?"

"It's complicated" Addison said. "I promised I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Addy…" Derek looked her straight in the eye, and Addison felt her resistance failing. After a moment she shook her head, a bit angry with herself that she was letting 'that look' get to her.

"Please, just consider it?" Addison paused. "I have to go."

* * *

"What are you looking so pleased about?" He approached Izzie as she stood at the nurses station and the grin on her face made Alex smile.

"What?" she said, distracted. This only made Alex more curious.

"You've looked miserable for days" he told her.

"Thanks." She looked at him with her eyebrows raised but the smile did not leave her face.

"No, I meant you've seemed really distracted lately. Is everything sorted out now?"

She didn't say anything for a moment, as if deciding what the answer was. "Not yet" she said, "but I hope it soon will be."

Alex was eager to carry on this conversation, despite the fact he had nothing left to say. He wanted to be around Izzie even when she was in a foul mood and ready to bite his head off. He opened his mouth, about to ask her about the patient whose notes she was reading, anything to have an excuse to stay in her company. But before any words could leave his mouth, Dr. Shepherd walked towards them looking worried.

"Dr. Stevens, can I talk to you?" He sounded compassionate, not angry, and Alex's brow furrowed with intrigue.

"Sure" said Izzie, her previous peppy mood dissolved slightly. She shot a look at Alex and smiled. "See you later." And Izzie and Derek walked together up the hallway.

A few minutes later, they were alone and out of ear shot. "I ran into Addison" Derek said, and Izzie's eyes grew wide. "That's the face she had too, when she inadvertently told me you'd been talking to her."

"She told you?" Izzie said, wanting to know how much Derek knew, but not wanting to give anything away if he didn't know the whole story.

"No" said Derek, matter-of-factly, "but there's something to tell, am I right?" Izzie fidgeted on the spot where she stood, but said nothing. "Izzie? This woman, Sally Jenkins, who is she to you?"

"A friend" Izzie replied, hoping that would be enough. "A good friend." But she knew as soon as the words left her mouth that she didn't sound convincing.

"I want to help Dr. Stevens" said Derek, lowering his voice. "If I'm going to jeopardise my career by stealing another hospitals patient without a referral, then I'd like to know the whole story."

Izzie raised her head and met his gaze hopefully. "You think you can help?"

"I didn't say that" said Shepherd. "I'm willing to get the patient transferred here to run my own tests. But I need you to be honest with me."

Izzie's brain was gushing with information, that she was trying to process at speed before Derek retracted his offer. They could help Sally. Hannah could come here, near her. Her eyes darted around the room, before she took a deep breath.

"Ok" she said, making up her mind. "Can I trust you not to say anything? I don't want Meredith… Anyone... to find out."

"I won't say anything."

"Sally's more than a friend" Izzie had more clarity in her voice than she had all day. "She's my daughter's mother."


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Sorry it's been so long for an update! Nearly a year, oh dear... Well, I hope some of you are still interested in this story because I certainly am. Or if you haven't read it before I hope this update will make some of you notice it for the first time! I'll try and post chapter 11 before 2009... ;)

**Chapter 10**

"Have you talked to her yet?" Addison cornered Izzie by the reception desk on the surgical floor, and looked at her quizzically, waiting for an answer.

Izzie sighed. "Talked to who?" She tried to feign ignorance but it didn't wash.

"Sally" Addison said, stating the obvious. "Or" she continued, more pointedly, "Hannah."

Izzie shook her head. "No. I… I don't want to disturb them."

After Izzie's reluctant confession to Derek two days ago, Sally's transfer to Seattle was set in motion. She had not talked to him much about the case, but that wasn't for lack of trying. Despite her determination to leave Sally and Hannah alone for a while, she was still eager to keep up to date with everything that was happening, even from a distance. But she got the impression Derek was avoiding the subject. Izzie suspected that he was anxious not to instil false hope that everything would work out. Izzie knew how medically unlikely this proposed operation was to work, but a small part of her, the non-doctor part, was hopeful.

Addison didn't say anything for a moment, but then broke the silence. "I think you should." She said, although was not able to give any further explanation before Izzie's beeper went off. She smiled apologetically to Addison, and set off for the ER.

Alex walked out of the exam room and slumped against the wall, sighing. "Just when I thought my day was going to be easy."

Izzie grinned as she closed the door on the couple inside, whose argument could surely be heard on the other side of the hospital. "It's exhausting just listening to them isn't it? I don't know where they find the energy."

Alex stood up again. "Judging by Mr. Ascot's breath, I'd say gin."

Izzie watched Alex for a moment and felt better than she had done in days. The irony of the situation was not lost on her. Spending 10 minutes with the most uptight argumentative couple she'd ever come across somehow dissolved her anxiety and she was relaxed. Although she knew that the warring pair on the other side of the door was not the reason she felt so good. It was Alex. Lately it was always Alex.

"What are you looking so happy about?" Izzie was snapped out of her thoughts by Alex's bemused question. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." And for the first time all week her answer was genuine, and not just something she said to disguise her true emotions or have some time alone.

"Are you sure, you looked glazed. Although I wouldn't blame you for trying to block those two from your thoughts."

Alex hid his concern with a joke. Izzie was thankful, she was enjoying the light atmosphere between the two of them, and didn't want it ruined by being reminded of the mess of her life.

* * *

In a deserted corridor in the depths of the hospital, Izzie lay flat on her back on a gurney, staring at the ceiling. Usually in this downtime, before the next surgery of call from the ER, she'd read medical notes, do charts, reflect on patients she had treated that day, but there was really only one thing on her mind.

She went over and over Addison's words, and the million possible ways to pluck up the courage to go and see Hannah again, but in her heart of hearts she knew the only way she would get anywhere in building any kind of relationship with her, was to build up the courage to drive to Portland. Sooner rather than later.

Izzie felt like a coward. She had been telling herself she was doing the best for everybody. Letting Sally and Hannah have as much time together as possible, getting the best neuro surgeons in the state to treat her. But that was not what was best, it was hiding from her responsibilities. She had faith in Dr. Shepherd, she was sure he'd be able to help Sally somehow. But common sense told her that sooner or later she would succumb to the tumour and Hannah would be left without her mother.

Except she wouldn't. Izzie would have to become her mother. She had been before, for 9 months while Hannah was inside her, and for 2 wonderful hours before Sally and Graham had taken her away, but she doubted whether she could reprise that role. She felt something for her daughter, that was certain. But it wasn't yet anything close to a maternal bond. She wanted it to be, so much, and that wouldn't happen while they were in completely different cities.

Izzie closed her eyes, rubbing her temples, then let her arms fall to her sides utterly drained. She lay there, her eyes still shut, willing her pager to go off, giving her an excuse to escape her thoughts, but instead the next sound she heard was a familiar voice calling her name.

She sat up to see Alex approaching, and gave him a smile that was less forced than she expected.

"I've been looking for you." He smiled back, slightly bemused and sat down on the gurney.

Izzie swung her legs over the side. "Is Bailey on the warpath?"

"I said I've been looking for you, not Bailey." Alex's voice had a note of sarcasm to it, but the wry smile that accompanied his comment dispelled any notion that he was looking for an argument.

"And why's that?" Izzie was flirting. At a time like this? She couldn't help herself.

"I just wanted to see how you were, that's all."

"Why wouldn't I be ok?" Izzie let her guard back up. She wasn't ready to share, not yet. Not even with Alex, who right now was the only person in this hospital she wanted to talk to.

"Izzie, I know something's going on with you. And I know you don't want to talk about it, and that's fine. But don't pretend you're alright, not to me. I'm more sensitive and perceptive than people give me credit for you know."

Izzie looked at the floor and smiled inwardly to herself. Dammit, Alex was making it really hard for her to keep her problems to herself. That's what she did, that's what she always did. She hid away, baking cookies and then eating them, but she didn't share.

Alex sighed, apparently lost for what to say next. All Izzie said to break the silence was "thankyou." And for Alex, that was enough.

"I'll leave you alone" he said, and stood up. But when he'd got to the end of the corridor, he stopped and turned around. "Tell me to butt out if you want" he said, "but would you like to go for a drink after our shift?" Alex stopped, suddenly horror struck that he'd overstepped the mark, and tried to backtrack. "Oh, I didn't mean… Not like that. And you don't have to tell me anything, I just thought…" He trailed off, his voice becoming uncharacteristically quiet. "Alcohol might help."

Izzie was amused by his nervousness, she thought she better put the poor boy out of his misery. "That would be nice."

* * *

When Alex walked through the door to Joe's at the end of his shift, Izzie was already there. She was sitting with her back to the door, and a large glass of wine on the small round table in front of her. He went to the bar before joining her at the table. He needed a beer, that was sure, but the real reason was so he could watch her for a few minutes without her noticing him.

"Are you stalking me?" Alex sat down on the opposite sit of the table and Izzie gave him an amused look. "I know you think I didn't see you walk in 5 minutes ago, but I did. You're not the only perceptive one you know."

Alex smiled. "You caught me." He took a swig from his beer bottle. He didn't really know what else to say.

"How was the end of your shift?" Izzie sipped her wine. Alex guessed that she'd probably been here for a while.

"It was alright, no major dramas. Though it might be a while before George or Cristina can look at a chocolate bar again?"

"What?"

"You don't want to know."

Alex grinned as he watched Izzie sip her wine. He tried to read her expression, her body language, but he found he couldn't quite work her out. She seemed distracted, like she had for a while, but she'd grown quiet and worried about something. The smiling positive Izzie he was so used to had diminished slightly. He was curious to know why, though not so much that he'd push her to talk and scare her off. Alex decided he'd sit and wait and drink beer and wait for Izzie to open up.

As it happened, he didn't have to wait long. "I bet you have your fair share of family drama"

Alex paused. "More than you know." But he understood this was about Izzie. He wasn't going to share his problems now, it wasn't the time. It was clear Izzie needed to get something off her chest. He'd nod and smile and comfort in all the right places. Whatever he needed.

Izzie didn't seem to hear his answer, of if she did she didn't respond. Instead she stared down at the table in thought.

"Is everything ok?" Alex ventured carefully. "Is it your Mom?"

"No." Izzie sighed, then dropped her head into her hands. "Why can life never be simple?"

Alex shrugged. He was not the person to ask. "Izzie, do you want to tell me what's wrong? Skirting around the issue won't help any more than that wine will." When the words left his mouth he realised they sounded a lot harsher than he intended, but he got Izzie's attention and she looked up.

"I'm sorry" he said, "I didn't mean…"

Izzie shook his head. "No, you're right. I just don't know if I can…"

"Trust me? Whatever you tell me Izzie, I won't pass it on. I know everyone else in the hospital are gossips but I'm not one of them." He gave her a shy smile, trying to show that he wasn't going to force her to tell him anything if she didn't want to.

She returned his smile. "I know." She sighed again, but Alex didn't say anything this time. After that, Izzie didn't speak for a while. It seemed to Alex like she was deep in thought, perhaps thinking of the right words or simply plucking up some courage that wasn't fuelled by wine. But when she finally did say something, Alex gave her his full attention and didn't utter a word.

Izzie hesitated, but only for the briefest of moments. "You know Dr. Shepherd's having a patient transferred from Portland. A woman, with an advanced brain tumour."

Alex nodded. "Yeah, it looks like an interesting case, I was going to see if I could…" He trailed off when he saw the look on Izzie's face. It made him scared that if he didn't shut up and let her speak she'd lose her nerve and they'd be right back at square one.

"I know her." Izzie stopped and took another sip of her wine. She didn't look up at Alex, not to see his reaction or try and read what he was thinking, she averted her gaze until he spoke.

"Who is she to you?" he asked gently, leaning forward a little. "Is this the reason you've been so off lately? If you're worried about her treatment, you know Shepherd's the best…"

"I know, that's why I asked him. And I am worried, but there's a lot more to it than you think. I don't know the woman, not really. I'd only met her once until a couple of weeks ago."

Right then Izzie decided to just come out and say it. She didn't know what her reaction would be afterwards, whether she'd sit there in stunned silence or bolt from the building, but the tension was killing her.

"I met her 12 years ago… When I gave her my daughter to adopt."


End file.
